Just another conversation with my son.

Just another conversation with my son.

My son and I just realized we are starving. A conversation about who is fixing food for whom ensues. Of course, he wants me to do it.

Following are some just of the things LJ has said to me;

· Mom, you know I can’t make simple food.
· I’m saving YOU money by wanting a sandwich.
· They just taste better when you make them.
· MOM MOM MOM MOM (insert Tarzan yell)
· Don’t make me use your government name.
· It is your god given right to make me a sandwich!
· Mooooooooooooom Pleeeeease!!
· You’re kinda being a dick right now.
· Don’t make me call Papa.
· (yelling) Mom, mother, mommy mom, mom c’mon… Please PLEASE!!
· Mother, please make me food.
· One day I won’t need you to make food for me. Take advantage of this NOW.
· You know what would be the worst thing EVER? If you made me food now. I’m over it. Not hungry. (Reverse psychology)
· Yeah, not hungry now. I wish I was though. So I would be happy about a sandwich.
· MOTHER!! Hollie! Ms. Monaco! I’m hungry.
· If you make me food, I’ll be quiet for the rest of the night.
· (Sounding pitiful) I don’t deserve this.
· *Heavy sigh…
· Is this what not being loved feels like?
· I hope you know that when the time comes and you need to be put in home, I’m not picking a nice one. Because you’re an asshole.
· Mother, I’m not asking again.
· *Loud screaming, wailing, fake crying
· Mom, why do you hate me?
· I just want you to know I’m not very happy with you right now.

*** I’m laughing so hard ***
· I’m glad you think this is funny because I think you’re an asshole.
· Mom please, I begging you. I’m begging you for food.
· Mom, I’ve been more than polite.

Seriously, 20 minutes of this. I’m dying. And now, I’m off to make us sandwiches. He earned it!!


One Bad Apple


In every bunch, no matter the bunch, there’s always one.  Today, the “bunch” is teachers.  Some of them make kids love school.  Some of them make kids hate their lives.  This one is for you Ms. SnottyPants.  My kid thinks you’re a bitch.  So do I.

In my small town school with my big mouth, I butted heads with a few teachers.  Neither of my children have been cursed with this affliction.  They don’t rock the boat. LJ and Madi prefer the company of adults to their peers.  Teachers love them. Hell, they’ve both been “teacher’s pet” in more than one  class.  If only I had held my tongue, I might not have gotten suspended.

Madi is in the 8th grade.  She is beautiful, witty, intelligent, extraordinarily sarcastic, in all advanced placement classes with a GPA of 3.4. and is the president of the Student Council. By all accounts, Madi is a GREAT kid and model student.

Last week, allergies had her home in bed for a few days.  She was an itchy, drippy, snotty, coughing, sneezing mess.  While out, she emailed her teachers to let them know she was sick and got most of her assignments. Unfortunately, she missed a test or two.  Those had to me made up after school. Apparently, in the new age where every kid gets a trophy, you may also stay after and retake a test if you are not satisfied with the grade you got on the first attempt.

Day 2 back, Madi stayed to make up a test.  While sitting at her desk, she was joking with the teacher.  Madi made a comment; something to the effect that math or tests are “stupid”.  She has a great relationship with the teacher who knew she was joking.  A teacher in the hall overheard the comment and decided to add her two cents worth.  Ms. SnottyPants said to my daughter, “If you had gotten it right the first time you wouldn’t have to be here.”  Madi bit her sarcastic, little tongue.  The math teacher quickly advised this was a make up test not a re-take.  The bitch in the peanut gallery just shrugged.  What a rude, condescending, disrespectful bitch.  Really?!  That is acceptable??

Being the president of student council, Madi knew she had to be nice.  She said nothing and stewed until she got home.  Madi did not hold back when telling me the story.  She started with, “Mama, let me tell you what happened today…  and then this bitch said…” She was, rightfully, very angry.  I asked if she wanted an apology.  With the teacher on one knee.  Holding flowers.  That can be arranged.  I will enjoy that meeting.  My kids know I will go to the ends of the Earth, hell-bent to beat the devil for them.  The kid says, “No Mama, she’s a bitch, everyone thinks so. Just let it go.  She isn’t worth it.”  Madi saved Ms. SnottyPants from me.  I don’t know why.  That was flat-out rude.  I want an apology.

Teachers like her are the reason I hated school.  They are the reason I hate school now.  I’ve had more than one meeting with a teacher, counselor, Vice Principal, Principal and/or a member of the school board.

You may be able to treat other kids with disrespect, but not mine.  You’re lucky, Ms. SnottyPants. Just know you are on my radar.  That was one.  You don’t get two.