There is no Zen in my bathtub

​Take a hot bath with Epsom salt, they said. It’ll feel amazing, they said…

I’m 5’3″

I have ZERO Zen.

My tub has no stopper. I used a shot glass.  Filled the tub with scalding hot water and dumped in a bunch of salt. Due to the size of the tub, my options are to soak my feet and butt or my butt and shoulders, no knees. It’s the knees and shoulders that need it.  So I slouch down into the tub then realize if I flip over I can soak more of me. Tried that, almost drowned. Flip back over wondering how the fairy Fuck this is supposed to work or be relaxing at all. 

Sitting still, sweating horribly, searching for some Zen… And I pulled the plug (or shot glass in my case).  I made it 21 minutes. I don’t feel any better and I’m kinda irritated. The water tank was drained from filling the tub.  Now there’s no hot water; no way to rinse off. So, I’ll spend the rest of the day smelling like eucalyptus and lavender. Yay me!  

So much for feeling “amazing”.  


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